"Please don't let me die before I read the Bible- and other anxiety provoked musings"
I wish I could tell you that I read the Bible because I always have. I wish I could tell you that I read the Bible because I knew that it was the perfect Word of God and that it’s a foundational piece to living a Christian life. I wish I could make up some really, morally pure reason for why I read the entire Bible. But honestly, I read the entire Bible, cover to cover because I had anxiety.
If you have followed along on my little life’s journey, you know that I have autoimmune disorders, several in fact. You know that I am blind in my right eye, and you know that some of my autoimmune disorders could potentially result in death if triggered (google systemic sclerosis for fun-sies, don’t panic, it’s not active right now). So, when Covid-19 so unwelcomingly entered the scene in 2020, I was at best, horrified. I’m sure there are several of you who would love to have a sit down with me and try to convince me that being afraid is unnecessary, but alas, that would be pointless since that panic already occurred. In addition, Covid-19 isn’t the hero or villain of this story, mortality was the villain, and the Bible was the hero.
I was spiraling. I spent way too much time in the news, laid awake countless nights, and was completely unsure of what my steps forward should be. I felt like I was free-falling and was unsure of where I would land. I truly can’t tell you the exact day that I decided that I was going to read the entire Bible, but I can tell you what my thought process looked like, completely ungraceful, and desperate. I was on a walk, which typically helps manage my anxiety, but on this day, I was ruminating on all the things that I “might not get to do” in the future. What an encouraging and helpful place to be mentally, yeah? I thought about being a mother, a wife, successful in my career… The list went on until suddenly I thought “I haven’t even read the Bible!” So, that was it. I was determined to read the entire Bible, out of fear. Fear that I wouldn’t have the chance to read the book that changed the world. There was nothing noble or dedicated about it. I was afraid and needed something to cling to. Little did I know how much it would end up becoming my beacon of light for over a year. As a little side note here; let this be exhibit A of how God uses our brokenness and dark spaces for good. Let this be an example of how God meets us in our weakness and gives us strength, sometimes, without us even realizing He is doing it.
As previously mentioned, I have one good eye, a cute cyclops if you will. And my one sturdy eye has a thing where it doesn’t love small print. So, I downloaded a Bible app on my phone that came with several options for reading plans. I decided that if I wanted the whole story here, I needed to read the story from start to finish. Who, what, when, where, and why? So, I picked the chronological plan which laid out a timeline for reading the Bible chronologically over the span of a year. It ended up taking me a little over a year, and I’m glad it did because it was the greatest adventure of my life so far.
I could spend pages trying to convey all that I learned and all the ways I grew throughout my Bible reading journey, but the thing about modern day humans is, we have short attention spans. So instead of spinning you a fantastical recounting of my experience, I have listed some bullet points below of things I learned. There are a million reasons why I want to encourage you to read the Bible, but here are a few of the biggies:
1. The Bible taught me about who God is:
I learned about the nature of God. His love for us, His refusal to give up on us, and His commitment to do whatever it takes to be with us for eternity no matter the cost (see “who is Jesus Christ” for more on that sacrifice).
2. I learned about sin:
I always thought sin was just “doing bad things.” I never really knew where it came from, how big its scope was, or how severely it has impacted human existence. It’s actually quite complex in nature and when I began to truly understand sin, it was one of the biggest epiphanies I have ever had.
3. I learned about history:
Listen, there’s no one who really tries to even contest the existence of Jesus Christ anymore, we are beyond that. But did you know that the Bible is extremely historically accurate? It gives you a pretty robust lowdown on a ton of human history.
4. I learned about the Holy Spirit and the importance of being in God’s Word:
In times past, when I’ve tried to read the Bible, its words fell flat. It seemed like one of those required readings in high school, like Romeo and Juliet or Hamlet (no offense to Shakespeare). It was a blur. But through my readings, I learned that the Holy Spirit actually helps those words come alive for you. In God’s perfect timing I was reading exactly what He wanted me to read, and the words felt alive. Everything made sense and hit me on a level I’ve never thought possible. Sometimes I would be in a mood for whatever reason as I started my daily reading, and boom, the reassurance, explanation, or validation I needed in that moment would just show up in scripture, word for word, like it was meant for me. Sometimes it would be so accurate I had to stop reading to pull myself out of the shock of its accuracy. There’s no serendipity here, it was all planned out by God.
5. I learned about Jesus:
I had always believed that Jesus was the Savior, but I never really had any solid argument for why I believed that. I just did. I always had. Through reading and studying the Bible, I learned about why God sent Jesus, the life of Jesus, the nature of who Jesus is, the events leading up to his death, the reason for His death, and the story of His resurrection. I finally had my proof, my argument, and my incredible solidly built faith.
6. I learned about the life God calls His people to live:
I always thought that Christians were supposed to follow the 10 commandments, repent, and call it a day. But man, that New Testament taught me so much more about the life I’m called to live and what it actually looks like day to day. I learned what it means to strive towards living a holy life and why God calls us to be in the world but not of it. I am pretty sure I will always fail at living a perfectly holy life, that is clear, but it was really cool to see some practical guidelines for what that looks like.
I’ve had to adjust my morning routine now that I have finished my first round of reading the Bible. I am currently working through a systematic theology book and making sure to look up the scripture referenced so I stay physically in the Word, but it is different. I never thought the Bible would have such an impact on my life, or change the way I understand God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and religion in general so drastically. Reading the Bible has not only deepened my understanding of the trinity but has changed my entire understanding of this existence and the way I see life. Listen, I get reading that reading the Bible can sound like a giant snooze fest, but I’m hoping you think about giving it a shot. It doesn’t have to be as boring as you think. Pick up a translation that makes sense to you, I like NIV or ESV, those two translations are modern enough for me to grasp yet still accurate in its interpretation. Get yourself a new Bible if that motivates you, I’m very type A, so I got a brand-new Bible from The Daily Grace co., got myself a new notebook for notes, and picked up some cool Bible highlighters from Amazon. Do whatever you need to for you to give reading the Bible an honest chance. The worst thing that can happen is that you learn a little history and maybe fall asleep for a little nap. Best care scenario? It changes your life.