Church Hurt And Why God Wants Us To Go

Church can be hard. 

My first memory of church was when my parents sent me to preschool at the church down the street. It's where I first met Jesus, at four years old. We did an activity where they had us cut out a paper doll of Jesus, color it, and set up a scene with other paper dolls. We worked in pairs. My partner was girl with the prettiest long blonde curly hair. She also happened to be blind. She asked me what Jesus looked like, and I happily worked on trying to describe facial features to someone who had never seen a beard and couldn't quite understand what the color brown looked like. It was truly a joy as we worked together to help her conceptualize someone whom I already loved very much. 

My parents didn't attend church regularly, but absolutely identified as Christian and were huge advocates for me attending whenever my heart desired. Some of my best childhood memories are when my parents would send me to that same church for summer camp every year. I would come home filled with the Holy Spirit and love for Jesus and my Father. 

I believed that church was the best place to be and that everyone who attend church was Godly and Holy and perfect in every way. I felt safe. 

Throughout high school I slowly fell away from attending church at all. I put so many other things before God. Boys (insert eye roll), friends, wanting to be popular (epic fail), pretty much anything and everything. Church had become a distant memory. 

In college, I renewed my faith and was officially baptized with a few of my sorority sisters. We went to a really hip church downtown with so many other people our age. Everyone was trendy, everyone was so nice, it was a dream come true. Until it wasn't. Slowly, as I immersed myself more and more in church, joining a small group, serving in the kid’s ministry, attending events, I began to notice cracks in the perfect facade that I had once held as shiny and new. Long story short, the church body wasn't as healthy as they portrayed to the rest of the community. There were harsh judgments towards others, casting out of members they deemed unworthy, and chaotic leadership. My heart was crushed. I felt like a child who had just realized that the "adults don't have it all together." The hardest part was that none of this was directed towards me, I remained in the churches "good graces," however, I felt that was due more to my good works than to the grace of God that we are called to share with others.

The truth is no one has it all together. And the church is no different. The church may be the body of Christ, but it is run by human beings and who are flawed and who aren't immune to sin. Any brief google search and bring you hundreds (or thousands) of accounts of missteps taken by the church as a whole or by its members. I know countless individuals with stories of church hurt so deep, that even I struggle to blame them for not wanting to attend church. Church wounds can run deep and be long lasting. There can be extremely valid reasons for leaving a specific church, although, that isn't the main focus of this post. 

Church hurt is real, and, church remains an important part of Christianity.  God did not create humans to live an isolated life. He created us with the intention of living in relationship with Him and to learn to be in relationship with and love other people, including other Christians. He designed us to live in community. 

The church is considered to be the body of Christ, a group of people unified (Ephesians 4:1-3) under Christ, who represent and reflect Him to the world (1 Corinthians 12:12-17). The purpose of the church is to join people of various backgrounds and gifts, and to give them opportunities to do God's work (I call it Kingdom work). It accomplishes this both internally, within the body among its members, and externally, in the church's surrounding community and world.

Each member of the body serves a function, just like each part of your own body. Eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to beat. We all must work together to make the body of Christ function. And just like we take care of our own bodies. Romans 12:5 gives us a good understanding of that functioning, "so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully."

After leaving the church, I limped around feeling disconnected for quite some time. Longing to be part of something bigger than myself, hungry to be in community with other believers. I moved cities, and although it was nearby, it was smaller, and I felt even more disconnected as I didn't know anything about churches in that area. I decided to attend services at different churches to see how it went, and after my first service at one church, COVID hit. Everything shut down. So not only was I unable to physically attend any service, but I was left feeling even more spiritually isolated than before. 

So, I prayed. I prayed every day, sometimes for hours. There wasn't much to do during the initial shut down, so I took a ton of walks. I called them prayer walks, and I would pray and listen and just be in relationship with my Father. Online services became a thing, and I began to check out multiple churches a day online, watching their services and learning about each church. God gave me so many opportunities to try various churches on for size, it was amazing! Finally, I found a church that instantly felt like home, even through a TV screen. I watched for months (and by months, I mean 10 months), until they finally were able to have in person services. It's only been three weeks, but friends, I'm all in. 

I feel like for the last year, God has been preparing me. He has taught me so much about Himself, His desires for His people, and His plans for me. And now? He is #sendingit. I have never felt more excited or passionate about being part of the body of Christ. I've prayed and prayed about how I can be of service to my brothers and sisters, and ya'll, I heard nothing for a long while. "What part of the body am I Lord? A toe? A finger? Please don't let me be a....butt." Silence. I started to panic. Until suddenly, in the middle of a mundane everyday chore, it came to me "the health of the church." It was so sudden and clear that I almost jumped. I repeated out loud as I looked up "The health of the church? Really?" I paused, and it settled so naturally over my whole being, " The health of the church." 

What that looks like exactly is still somewhat of a mystery to me, but by God (literally) He has put it on my heart as a mission to care for the health of His church. I'm not too concerned about where that will lead me, because God tends to have a way of leading me in right direction as long as I put one foot in front of the other. However, this revelation has me fired up. I am so ready to serve God's people in any way He sees fit and when God's plan for me to care for the health of the church washed over me in the middle of cleaning toilets, I smiled and fired back to Him "send it."