The Three D’s
There once was a priest who severed in a small parish in the countryside. He was loved by the people he served, and they loved him equally. He was effective in doing God’s work, so effective in fact, that Satan had assigned two demons to do whatever it took to derail his ministry. The demons tried everything. They used every trick they knew, but to no avail. The priest seemed beyond their demonic reach, so as a last resort, they called for a meeting with the devil himself. “We have tried everything,” they whined. Satan was quick with his reply. “It’s quite easy, bring him news that his brother has been made bishop,” he growled. The demons looked at one another in astonishment. It seemed too easy, too simple, but they were willing to try anything. Several weeks later the demons returned in victory! The beloved priest did not respond well to the news of his brother’s promotion. The priest’s former joy was reduced to moping. His encouraging words spoken over his parish were replaced with grumbling and gloom. With the news of his brother’s promotion, the man’s entire ministry had been destroyed by envy, disappointment, and the belief that the promotion was completely unfair.
This short story appeared in a book I recently read called “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World,” and is written by the talented Joanna Weaver. She uses this story as the preface to a section about the “three deadly D’s of destruction.” Her point of this story is that Satan is not always the conniving creative genius he makes himself out to be. But rather a manipulator of the same tools he has used since the beginning of time, distraction, discouragement, and doubt. His playbook is rather simple:
1. Get people’s eye off God and onto their own worldly circumstances.
2. Convince them that their individual happiness lies within the happenings/events around them.
3. When they become discouraged, move them into believing that God doesn’t care, isn’t good, isn’t all powerful, or doesn’t even exist.
4. Sit back and watch the destruction of the human soul.
By implementing this simple play over and over again, people will sooner or later destroy themselves without much more interference. How many of us read that story and identified? How many of us read Satan’s playbook and thought, “I’ve felt that way before?” The truth is, we have all been there more times than we would like to admit. Some of us are there now. But the most important truth is that Satan is always working against us and against our God. We are always at war.
Satan usually begins with distraction. He preys upon the tired, worried, and overwhelmed. He knows that a distracted heart can no longer easily hear and follow the Lord’s call to come to Him, rest in Him, and spend time in relationship with Him. So, he distracts us with worldly things. Joanna gives a great example of this when she paints us a picture of the rabbit in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. The rabbit had a very important date every second of his life. He was always running, always distracted, never fully present. When we become distracted and overwhelmed with our worldly duties, we become disenchanted with life, ungrateful, resentful, and bitter.
When we are distracted, the next stop is discouragement. We feel discouraged when life becomes overwhelming and feels like too much to handle. We feel exhausted, unable to keep up with the pace of life, and unable to perform in any of our life’s roles. We say and do things that are out of our true character. We pick up vices like drinking, smoking, shopping, binge eating, or others in an attempt to soothe our weary souls. Our stable perspectives break down, and our defenses go up. We feel discouraged. Like we will never be enough, do enough, or have enough. As Joanna says, “though we may have just completed great things for God, weary discouragement tells us we’re useless, hopeless, and abandoned.” Discouragement can “drain us of all hope, of all vision, of all our tomorrows, and dreams.” When we are both distracted and discouraged, doubt can become the final blow to our sanity and faith.
Discouragement is like a Dementor for all you Harry Potter fans. It sucks you of all hope and vision. Yet when we are feeling discouraged, Joanna tells us that there is no better place to go than to our Father. When I’m feeling discouraged, I love to go to God’s Word. I’m working my way chronologically through the Old Testament right now, and although some of the books are less than exhilarating (sorry Numbers and Leviticus), I find story after story of God bringing His people up out of misery and into victory. I think it’s really hard to see when you’re actually sitting in the yuckiness that life can bring, but when you finally emerge to the other side, whatever that may look like, it’s always easy to see how God’s plan unfolded. Think about David and Goliath. Absolutely every odd was stacked against David. He was nothing compared Goliath who was about 9 feet and 9 inches tall. Yikes. But God delivered him and His people. With just one rock! I think about how many times God has delivered me with the smallest of means. It’s easy to focus on the big negativities of our lives, I’ve been feeling stuck in that so much lately. But I’m choosing to also remember all the deliverance and grace I’ve been given as well.
Joanna gives us five strategies for fighting back against the pains of discouragement and cites the importance of not staying in discouragement for too long.
1. Allow for rest stops. Discouragement is often our body’s way of trying to communicate that we need a rest. Try getting a little more sleep, making sure you’re drinking enough water and eating, and perhaps cancel a few social engagements if needed (Exodus 34:21).
2. Get a new point of view. Take a few steps back and pray for God to give you a new perspective on the situation you are feeling discouraged about. What can feel like an impassable mountain in our eyes is only a steppingstone in His (Isaiah 33:17).
3. Have patience. It’s easy to get discouraged when thing don’t go the way you planned. But if you’ve given your concerns to the Lord, you can rest assured that He is at work for your good, even if you don’t see it right away (Romans 8:28).
4. Connect. Don’t isolate yourself. Even if you are socially distancing and following COIVD guidelines, there are ways to connect. Call a friend, zoom, Facetime, text. Connect to others who can lend a hand in lifting you up.
5. Set the timer. Sometimes things truly aren’t going well. Sometimes your life truly is a mess. It’s okay to validate yourself and acknowledge reality. One of the things I dislike most is when people encourage others to always put on a happy face and “get over it because it’s not that bad or could always be worse.” It’s okay to get discouraged. But don’t lay in suffering for so long that you drown. Give yourself some time to feel, and then take a break. Sometimes I set a timer. I get half an hour to cry and be in my feels so to speak. Then, I get up and do something else. In DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) we call this “allowing emotion.” Think of it as a dam. You allow some of the water to flow but stop it before it floods everything. You can always go back and allow some more water to come out, but you work towards not allowing yourself to drown. You can set timers all day if you need to, or for multiple days in a row, so long as you give yourself breaks. Sometimes my breaks are just doing a chore or running an errand, but a break is a break. After your break ends, give it back to God. Every. Single. Time. (Ecclesiastes 3:4)
When we are distracted and discouraged doubt rears its ugly head. Satan loves doubt. Even more, he loves when we doubt God’s love. Joanna writes a line that I am sure we have all felt before, “You’re on your own baby. See? God doesn’t really care, or He would have shown up by now.” These words of doubt often echo our feelings of frustration and confusion. Doubt is a countermelody to faith and often shows up when God doesn’t act in the way we feel He should nor shows His love and goodness in a way we feel He should. We humans love to put our own expectations on the creator and man does that get disappointing. We question His goodness, if He cares at all, and sometimes we question His very existence. If God didn’t care, the Bible wouldn’t exist. He wouldn’t have spent thousands of years trying to rescue us from our own sin and self-destruction. He wouldn’t have sent His only son. There would be no Gospel. God cares. God cares more than we care. “Until we stop doubting God’s goodness, we can’t experience God’s love. We must stick around long enough to hear the sweet reassurance of God’s answer. Don’t expect any explanations or apologies. After all, God is God. God will answer. He longs to reveal His love to you. But you won’t find it by shaking your fist in His face. You won’t finding it by barging into His presence and demanding to be treated fairly. You’ll find it by sitting at His feet and remembering who He is. Emmanuel. God is with us.”
Now that you have learned about the 3 D’s, I hope you pick up Joanna’s book “Having a Mary Heart in A Martha World,” and read the rest of her encouraging words. This book was one of my favorite reads of 2020, and I think everyone could use a dose of having a Mary heart in today’s Martha world.